Black Women, Why Do You Have To Be So Mean?

It all started with Gavin… “And these black women wonder why you see all these black guys dating outside their race.” those words when spoken to a black woman can cut like a knife. Let’s just be honest,from where I’m sitting, which is in the dirty south, black women do not like to see a black man dating outside his race. I feel I can be the intermediator in this being that I come from a multiracial family, I can speak for both sides sort of. Though taken aback by Gavin’s declaration/rhetorical statement, it peaked my interest and I had no choice but to delve deeper into the meaning behind what he had just said. I’ll explain to you the just of the conversation that followed…

woman smiling sitting on sofa

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Gavin gave me a simple example: one day he was out and about, shopping or what not, and being the gentleman that he sometimes can be, he held the door open for an older, but not much older, white woman. She simply smiled and said “thank you”. No biggie right? Well for Gavin it was. At that moment he experienced an epiphany of sorts. He realized that in similar situations, when he found himself being gentlemanly, or polite, or even friendly to a black woman, the response is very different. “Stank” is what he called it. They act like someone owes them something, like they have a chip on their shoulder, cold and unfriendly.

Now I am not here to start a debate on race and stereotyping, I do realize that I am not referring to EVERY black woman out there but I have to ask,

“Black women, why do you have to be so mean?”

Sure, you’ve been through things, we all have, but what is so wrong with smiling at a nice man who opens a door for you, or at someone who says hello to you? Why so hard, why so callus? Now I have to conclude that this is more of a cultural issue, rather than a color or race issue, because a person’s upbringing and culture are huge influencing factors in their behaviors be they positive or negative.

So listen up! This is not just for the black women out there, this is for all of you unknowingly, unapproachable divas-the way you carry yourself is sending signals to men-and in your case, they aren’t too promising. You may think that you are just conducting yourself as a lady, not the flirtatious type, when really you are projecting bitchiness and negativity. No matter how great of a woman you are, to someone who doesn’t know that, perception is reality. Never underestimate the power of a smile and a positive attitude.

As for Gavin, he is still on his quest to write off black women for good and try his hand at other races. And he is not the first man who I’ve had tell me this. What is going on? Black women, this is for you-lighten up, let’s get it together.

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Topic revision: 17 Mar 2021, JamesHarder
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